cleaning house

These days it feels as though I've been cleaning house: my literal house, my financial house, my physical house and my emotional house. 


From a literal standpoint I've been doing what most people would call decluttering.  Giving away the stuff that I'm not sure why I'm hanging onto or why I had it in the first place.  Why do I have so many vases when I'm uncomfortable with the concept of cut flowers?  Yes they're beautiful but there's something about the amount of chemicals it takes, the energy expended in heating the hot houses, the fossil fuels it take to transport them.  Here on my little island this decluttering is made all that much easier by the "free pile" concept: put it on your lawn by the dirt road and by the end of a sunny day it's almost all gone.  It continues to amaze me what some people will take. 


From a financial standpoint I've been whittling away at my debt, paying off and closing two credit cards and a line of credit.  On Wednesday I'm going to be able to pay off and close my overdraft.  Ironically, this 20% reduction in pay has forced me to once again reassess my spending habits and get used to living on less.  Eating out less, making sure the essentials like gas in the truck, utilities paid, ferry passes and dog food purchased. 


I'm not going to lie: it's been stressful.  Me and debt don't sleep well together.


Physically I've gone back to a daily practice of yoga and meditation.  Slowing down my body in the hopes of calming my mind.  Having the flu for two weeks helped to slow me down.  I'm looking forward to getting back on my bike and my skis even more so.


The emotional house cleaning is a whole lot harder to tackle.  These days it seems as though I'm holding my emotions so tightly to my chest that it's hard to breathe.  However, through the acts of decluttering my house and getting my finances under control it's taught me the value of celebrating the small steps.


Recently I've reconnected in a small way with a woman who was once a very close friend.  Right now it's only through twitter and blogs but I'm surprized how much value that has added to my emotional health just having her back in that small way.


I've pulled back from a miriad of social events, withdrawn from a number of people who I either just call aquaintances, or are "friends" who take more than they give.  I've populated my daily life with my closest friends who energize me, who understand that right now I don't have much to give back.


My relationship with another long time friend has recently changed and we're exploring the potential for a permanent partnership.  This one is particularly challenging to me especially right now.  Emotional risk taking is not something that I've been good at in the past.  But, in a few days I'm going to get on a plane, fly to Calgary and be open to the possibilities.