Vulnerable. I hate feeling like this.
There are times in my life when I feel incredibly weak and small. Usually it's at night and usually when my daughter's not here. Somehow being in mom-mode makes me feel more powerful, like I could take on anything to keep my child safe. It's harder to conjure that feeling up when I'm alone.
I don't think that men have any idea what it's like to feel this type of vulnerability. That looking-but-not-looking over your shoulder to see if someone's there, the crossing to the other side of the street, stand tall, look assertive, hold your keys in such a way that you can use them for a weapon kind of vulnerability. When your eyes become sharper and breathing a little shallower. There are of course moments in life when you should have a sense of heightened focus, but not like that.
This is one of the reasons why I live on this little island. My walk home in the park after dark isn't filled with those moments. I exhale and smile a little easier once I'm off the ferry and the parking circle is behind me. I say hi to strangers. The light in my neighbour's window reminds me that she is there for me should I need her and I take comfort in knowing that she feels the same.
The sound of a good friend's voice reminds me that she too is just a stone's throw away. The connection between her, my sister and me sustains me during these moments of vulnerability. I'm safe.
There are times in my life when I feel incredibly weak and small. Usually it's at night and usually when my daughter's not here. Somehow being in mom-mode makes me feel more powerful, like I could take on anything to keep my child safe. It's harder to conjure that feeling up when I'm alone.
I don't think that men have any idea what it's like to feel this type of vulnerability. That looking-but-not-looking over your shoulder to see if someone's there, the crossing to the other side of the street, stand tall, look assertive, hold your keys in such a way that you can use them for a weapon kind of vulnerability. When your eyes become sharper and breathing a little shallower. There are of course moments in life when you should have a sense of heightened focus, but not like that.
This is one of the reasons why I live on this little island. My walk home in the park after dark isn't filled with those moments. I exhale and smile a little easier once I'm off the ferry and the parking circle is behind me. I say hi to strangers. The light in my neighbour's window reminds me that she is there for me should I need her and I take comfort in knowing that she feels the same.
The sound of a good friend's voice reminds me that she too is just a stone's throw away. The connection between her, my sister and me sustains me during these moments of vulnerability. I'm safe.
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